Dear mummies with angels,
Tomorrow might be filled with love, warmth and pride, pain and darkness or a mix of all. I know it’s a day that might hurt so very much as all we want to do is have (all) our children with us in our arms. I am so sorry. I am also sorry I never understood how difficult a day like tomorrow could be for so many before we lost Elliott. I stand here honouring, recognising and acknowledging you, ALL your children and your love.
I wish no one shared this pain and know you understand the fact that I won’t have one of my children with me on such a day is beyond devastating. Even though I know how lucky I am in many ways, even with everything I have to be thankful for, even with all the gratitude in the world for everything and everyone in my life… it’s devastating and it hurts. So much.
I will light a candle for you all and a candle for our angels. I am wishing a gentle day for you and that our babies are chasing butterflies through the clouds together. Tomorrow (and everyday) it’s ok to feel whatever you feel, and do whatever you want or need to do. It’s ok to bunker down, completely hide from it all and not get out of bed (get chocolate!) It’s also ok to go out in the sun and celebrate it and yourself as a mother.
I’m not sure what I’ll do tomorrow I suppose I’ll see how I wake up in the morning. I will try very hard to hold onto that warmth and love I have for all my children. When the pain overwhelms me I’ll tell myself to concentrate on the pride I have that I am honoured to be Elliott’s mummy. To know love is stronger than anything else. But I suspect that might not be enough tomorrow.
If you are hurting know you are not alone and we can get through this together. You may not see it but there is an army of loss mummies out there who share a similar pain and care and understand this unfair loss. Together we give love, together we find strength, together there is a comfort. Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone safe who you know understands- be a friend, family member, support group or organisation for bereaved parents.
Wishing love and light, warmth and gentleness to you.
Love a fellow mummy of an angel. Xo
Our beautiful Elliott,
My heart is forever broken and I am feeling the cracks widen a bit more right now. I miss you so much and I want you here with us, where you belong…in your mummy and daddy’s arms and beside your brother and sister who dearly miss and yearn for you so much too. We will send kisses to the sky for you and we’ll feel yours back in the wind against our cheeks.
Forever my son, forever your mummy.