We did not lose our baby

We did not lose our baby, We knew exactly where he was. He was in my womb where I nurtured him, protected him, nourished him and loved him. Then with pain and terror, strength and love, I pushed him out into the world where he never made a cry. We did not lose our baby,…

Advertisements

Carrying you into a new year

On January 1st 2017 I woke up and felt like the weight of the world was on my chest. It dawned on me that I was in a new year, without my baby. I felt I had left him in 2016. I was suddenly so much further away from him. To touch, to smell, to…

Santa’s gift

Last year I couldn’t watch my two earthside children get their photo with Santa done. 7 weeks before I gave birth to our beautiful second son. 6 weeks before we had to hand him over and took him home not in our arms as a baby but as stardust. In the weeks leading up to…

Elliott’s last day

This day last year was our last day we had with Elliott, the day he was turned to stardust. Today hurts beyond belief knowing it was the last day we held him, the real start to the new beginning on a different life we never wanted. This is our story of that day.   The…

Happy birthday

Today is Elliott's 1st birthday. The last twelve months have gone by so quickly in a lot of fog and blur. We've reached (and lived in) emotional heights of despair, desperation, sadness, loss, anger, pain, questioning, guilt and disbelief that we didn't know were possible. We’ve also discovered the true strength in ourselves, as a…

Sun rises and sun sets

Tomorrow will mark the day the sun rose shining its light and kissing everything it touched, a day our beautiful second son entered the outside world. Tomorrow marks the day the sun set painting the sky with spectacular colours, a day his perfect little heart made its final beat. Our son was just like the…

A birthday with no baby

In less than a week our youngest son’s 1st birthday will be here. Except as a cruel twist, HE isn’t here. So we count down to the day, trying to prepare ourselves for a milestone that will be endured rather than enjoyed, full of love and pride that sits along side excruciating pain and overwhelming…

Our first holiday without you…

We arrived home this morning after a quick family holiday we took to try escape for a for a few days and create beautiful memories around the lead up to Elliott’s birthday. It was exactly what we needed right now and did just that. We had a wonderful fun time with easily the best days…

Pregnancy and a infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today is international Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It is a day I hope will one day be printed on calendars around the world for public recognition of the thousands and thousands of babies who didn’t get to stay, and support for the thousands and thousands of parents with hearts full of love for…