I am (or was) a social person. In fact I've made my career out of talking. I love to dress up and meet with friends. And yet when my best friend bought tickets for us to go see a show I panicked thinking "how am I going to do this?" (especially knowing it was on [...]
Author: Stevie Vowles
Mum of Emma 10, Ashton 6, and Elliott who was born sleeping on 28.10.16
6 MONTHS ON… the sad truths and the emerging positives
For the last 6 months I feel like I've lived in someone else's body, in someone else's life. It's mostly been a great big blur with a whole lot of fog on top. 6 months on I still think about him every day, most of the day. 6 months on the devastating loss still consumes [...]
Easter without you
So far we've passed our first Christmas, many birthdays and New Years without you and now today is Easter Sunday. Easter has gone a bit under the radar this year. There wasn't the anticipation built, there was no carrot and letter put out, there were no bunny footprints or fluff left like there normally is. [...]
The right type of friends
Today with Easter (another milestone to face) on my mind and my heavy heart that I lugged along with me, I went out and caught up with some truly wonderful friends. I concentrated hard on keeping my s*** together, smiled and enjoyed being in the fresh air in their company sharing and venting as my [...]
A video of our love story with Elliott
This video is for you Elliott 💙 this is our love story with you , a love story that started before you were even made but so desperately wanted, a love story that has no ending 💙 I sat with much hesitation over sharing this video-it's raw, it's tragic, it's possibly confronting, but it's also [...]
The tug of war of emotions
I am often torn between wanting to feel and be better, and wanting to and being in a state of deep mourning. Sometimes I want to just lay in bed and feel the hurt. Sometimes it feels like staying in that dark place is a way of staying connected to him. I have had thoughts that [...]
When a simple thing like getting sick becomes a huge trigger
I had bad morning sickness with all three of my pregnancies, but Elliott's was by far the worse. It was hard and I really struggled. We made the decision despite the fact I wanted more babies that he would be the last as I couldn't think I could go through pregnancy again. I struggled with [...]
The sadness of my birthday…
It's my birthday soon... and I'm so very sad with such a heavy heart. Not because I'll be a year older, but because there is something so very huge missing from our lives.. because I can't celebrate with all my children. Last year I was so excited to turn 30. I couldn't wait. It was [...]
Commemorating Elliott’s due date
The lead up to Elliott's due date has been truly awful, harder than I thought it would be. I often felt like I was drowning in the waves of grief, struggling to come up for air. I began to plan an event to commemorate then cancelled as it all became too much and I wanted [...]
Love, pain, life and loss
This is love This is pain This is LIFE This is loss This is trying and wanting to protect you This is my heart expanding with more love and breaking at the same time. This is the rest of world not existing for that moment feeling you on my skin, marvelling at you and having [...]
Elliott's Stardust 