For nearly three weeks my mornings have started with Ashton waking up and the first thing he says is “I miss Elliott”. There are no triggers, no reacting to an environment or us, he just wakes up missing him. The day continues with “I miss Elliott”, “I wish he didn’t die”, “I want my brother”, [...]
Category: family
He’ll always be a little magic
Tomorrow marks the day last year that we announced our pregnancy with Elliott. I waited until after our morphology scan because in our minds that ‘safe’ period of 12 weeks had moved forward to the mid term scan due to recent experiences of others we knew. I waited because i was terrified of becoming a [...]
Honouring all babies who chase butterflies in the sky, at my business
Here it is.. the window display at my business Little Lamb in loving memory and honour of ALL babies and children chasing butterflies in the sky. We remember now and always all little lives gone too soon and send our love, support and thoughts to all families touched by loss of any gestation or age [...]
Life was different last year
This came up on Pinterest recently when I was searching for party ideas for our oldest son. It hit me to the core. I have been avoiding organising his party as the task felt so overwhelming. Not just because my energy levels and passion are simply not what they were before losing Elliott, but also [...]
ACCEPTING NEW NORMAL
I never expected to lose a baby. When I did I didn't expect it to change nearly every corner of my life. I didn't expect to be constantly surprised (positively and negatively) by reactions or actions (or lack of) of others. I didn't expect that this idea of "new normal" really was just that... NEW.Suddenly [...]
Fathers Day…
Dear fathers of angels, Please know we are sending lots of love out to you especially tomorrow on Father's Day. You might be hurting (a lot) and have your struggles. You might miss your baby so much it's hard to breathe and wish with all your might that you could fix everything. There might be [...]
Dads, the forgotten grievers
Everyone expects a mother to be devastated after the loss of a baby. Fewer people realise that so many dads hurt just as much. They may not have carried their baby inside but that doesn't mean they love and miss them any less. Their babies were their future, their life, their heart, their child too. [...]
The Sound of Heartbreak
Last week I stumbled upon a matching frame and rattle to a music box we bought Elliott after he was born. They were so perfectly timed to find as I have been struggling with the thought of his birthday coming up in a couple of months. I desperately wanted to buy him something but I [...]
9 months on..
At the start you count in days, then weeks, finally moving to months. One day we'll even count in years. Unexpectedly at the 9 month mark I suddenly feel like I'm back to counting in weeks. This time in a countdown to the one year mark. In the last few weeks I've had lots of [...]
“I hate my baby brother!” Heartbreaking grief from a big brother
9 months on Ashton's grief still shows its face, sometimes in unexpected ways. One day after school he had a full meltdown that came out of nowhere and escalated to him yelling with anger and tears "I hate my baby brother! I don't want a baby brother!". I was driving and couldn't do anything but [...]
Elliott's Stardust 