I wrapped my hands around you, wanting nothing more than to protect you and keep you safe. I held you on my chest, your ear towards my heart, knowing full well you would never hear it beating from the outside. I breathed you in and kissed your head, your cheeks, your hands and your feet. [...]
It’s a devastating tragedy that your life was cut so short but YOU my darling, YOU were nothing but love and magic. How honoured we are to be your parents, How wonderful it was to care for and nurture you, How magical it was to feel you move and watch you grow, How grateful we [...]
In an attempt to settle the chaos in my head I’m in a state of household cleansing, organising and decluttering. I do this every year on some level but this year I’ve included the task of properly sorting everything I’ve ever kept from Emma and Ashton. Going through every one of those beautiful little baby [...]
No one told me I’d look in the mirror and not recognise the person staring back. That overnight I‘d become a stranger in my own body, a body I could no longer trust. I felt completely hollow and although I was breathing, i wasn’t sure if I was living. I smiled and laughed for our [...]
We did not lose our baby, We knew exactly where he was. He was in my womb where I nurtured him, protected him, nourished him and loved him. Then with pain and terror, strength and love, I pushed him out into the world where he never made a cry. We did not lose our baby, [...]
This day last year was our last day we had with Elliott, the day he was turned to stardust. Today hurts beyond belief knowing it was the last day we held him, the real start to the new beginning on a different life we never wanted. This is our story of that day. The [...]
People kept saying "oh you are so strong" but I felt anything but. I was broken, tired, angry and in pieces screaming out in pain. I felt like my world had fallen apart, was struggling to get out of bed and wasn't sure how it was possible to ever see any light again. Every time [...]
Elliott's due date is next week. Soon, if not already, we should be holding our newborn baby in our arms safe and sound, kissing his chubby cheeks like his siblings had. I should be posting a happy announcement and receiving congratulations back. Instead life threw us a major curve ball. Instead it's already been 4 months since [...]
I never knew the true meaning behind "the silence is deafening" until we came home from hospital empty handed and broken hearted. The loneliness of the night where it was still and quiet. Where I felt for the first time the silence pounding in my ears and all I could think of is "I should be hearing my baby [...]
A few weeks after Elliott's birth we decided we wanted to do something to celebrate his life and extend the invitation. People had reached out to us with love and support, some asked to come see us but we were too fragile to face too many people in the first couple of weeks. We thought a little event would [...]
Elliott's Stardust 