I know I spend so much time talking about our Angel baby, what happened and what is happening now. I know at some point (possibly now) many will get tired of hearing about it. Many will question why is it and should it still be so consuming. One of my great fears is that the [...]
... "I find I'm in this huge space between his birth and his due date that feels like limbo. A space between the ‘was’ and the ‘might have been’. It’s a space filled with watching the calendar tick over, day after day towards what should have been a joyous time filled with exciting anticipation, waiting [...]
Last night I sat in bed on my laptop and out of the blue I decided to count how many days it had been since Elliott was born. I counted...100 days... I was gripped with an unbearable sadness, 100 days already has gone by, 100 days in the rest of our lives. I did wonder [...]
Like stars, foxes have also become a special symbol of our baby. My sister purchased a star for Elliott on the day he was born located in the "Indus" constellation (which amazingly is the brand name of the blanket we laid him on to rest) and Indus means "little fox". I don't think we'll ever [...]
Everyone knows about the milestones of living children- their smiles, first word, first steps, their first day at school, every birthday...but little is known about the milestones a bereaved parent goes through. The time milestones you go through, the milestones you never will, the healing milestones, everyday tasks which never used to be anything significant but [...]
To my little man, I have never felt pain i couldn't overcome, I have never been so scared that a brave face could not hide, I have never lost anything that could not be replaced. The joy of first meeting you was just as before, Until the pain of silence was too loud to ignore. [...]
I never knew the true meaning behind "the silence is deafening" until we came home from hospital empty handed and broken hearted. The loneliness of the night where it was still and quiet. Where I felt for the first time the silence pounding in my ears and all I could think of is "I should be hearing my baby [...]
I sat there on my hospital bed, my best friend tenderly holding our angel baby. She was smiling lovingly as she looked at him, then looked up and said "what are you going to say when someone asks you how many children do you have?" Oh god, I don't know... I've never had to think about [...]
In the days and weeks after Elliott's funeral Ashton was so angry and aggressive. On the night of the funeral he started swinging his arms at me, trying to hit me. I picked him up and cuddled him and he cried "Why did YOU turn him into star dust? I want my brother! I want [...]
I'm sharing our story about our children to highlight that children can grieve a tremendous amount too. This grief they've shown has been one of the biggest 'shocks' we've had in our journey so far. We had no idea how much they would truly love their brother. We didn't realise that even though they will never watch [...]
Elliott's Stardust 