10 years ago I married my high school sweetheart, the man of my dreams, my best friend, my soul mate. The day after we got married I said to Adam, I want to do that again. He laughed and said something along to lines of “oh dear god” and we agreed right there on day [...]
No one told me I’d look in the mirror and not recognise the person staring back. That overnight I‘d become a stranger in my own body, a body I could no longer trust. I felt completely hollow and although I was breathing, i wasn’t sure if I was living. I smiled and laughed for our [...]
We did not lose our baby, We knew exactly where he was. He was in my womb where I nurtured him, protected him, nourished him and loved him. Then with pain and terror, strength and love, I pushed him out into the world where he never made a cry. We did not lose our baby, [...]
7 months... Every month on the same day (the 28th) no matter how good the day or week was, as the night draws in I'm brought back to the fact time is passing. Another milestone to hurdle over when I never trained for jumping such heights. I'm glad to say I'm having more genuinely good [...]
I am (or was) a social person. In fact I've made my career out of talking. I love to dress up and meet with friends. And yet when my best friend bought tickets for us to go see a show I panicked thinking "how am I going to do this?" (especially knowing it was on [...]
This video is for you Elliott 💙 this is our love story with you , a love story that started before you were even made but so desperately wanted, a love story that has no ending 💙 I sat with much hesitation over sharing this video-it's raw, it's tragic, it's possibly confronting, but it's also [...]
I am often torn between wanting to feel and be better, and wanting to and being in a state of deep mourning. Sometimes I want to just lay in bed and feel the hurt. Sometimes it feels like staying in that dark place is a way of staying connected to him. I have had thoughts that [...]
I had bad morning sickness with all three of my pregnancies, but Elliott's was by far the worse. It was hard and I really struggled. We made the decision despite the fact I wanted more babies that he would be the last as I couldn't think I could go through pregnancy again. I struggled with [...]
It's my birthday soon... and I'm so very sad with such a heavy heart. Not because I'll be a year older, but because there is something so very huge missing from our lives.. because I can't celebrate with all my children. Last year I was so excited to turn 30. I couldn't wait. It was [...]
This is love This is pain This is LIFE This is loss This is trying and wanting to protect you This is my heart expanding with more love and breaking at the same time. This is the rest of world not existing for that moment feeling you on my skin, marvelling at you and having [...]
Elliott's Stardust 