It's my birthday soon... and I'm so very sad with such a heavy heart. Not because I'll be a year older, but because there is something so very huge missing from our lives.. because I can't celebrate with all my children. Last year I was so excited to turn 30. I couldn't wait. It was [...]
This is love This is pain This is LIFE This is loss This is trying and wanting to protect you This is my heart expanding with more love and breaking at the same time. This is the rest of world not existing for that moment feeling you on my skin, marvelling at you and having [...]
"One of the incredibly hard things to deal with after a pre-term loss of a baby is the unexpected nature of it....My husband looked at his facebook account...A pregnancy announcement followed by a death announcement in a space of 10 days with nothing in between on his wall. That’s the shock of it- we were [...]
Elliott's due date is next week. Soon, if not already, we should be holding our newborn baby in our arms safe and sound, kissing his chubby cheeks like his siblings had. I should be posting a happy announcement and receiving congratulations back. Instead life threw us a major curve ball. Instead it's already been 4 months since [...]
I know I spend so much time talking about our Angel baby, what happened and what is happening now. I know at some point (possibly now) many will get tired of hearing about it. Many will question why is it and should it still be so consuming. One of my great fears is that the [...]
... "I find I'm in this huge space between his birth and his due date that feels like limbo. A space between the ‘was’ and the ‘might have been’. It’s a space filled with watching the calendar tick over, day after day towards what should have been a joyous time filled with exciting anticipation, waiting [...]
Last night I sat in bed on my laptop and out of the blue I decided to count how many days it had been since Elliott was born. I counted...100 days... I was gripped with an unbearable sadness, 100 days already has gone by, 100 days in the rest of our lives. I did wonder [...]
Everyone knows about the milestones of living children- their smiles, first word, first steps, their first day at school, every birthday...but little is known about the milestones a bereaved parent goes through. The time milestones you go through, the milestones you never will, the healing milestones, everyday tasks which never used to be anything significant but [...]
To my little man, I have never felt pain i couldn't overcome, I have never been so scared that a brave face could not hide, I have never lost anything that could not be replaced. The joy of first meeting you was just as before, Until the pain of silence was too loud to ignore. [...]
I never knew the true meaning behind "the silence is deafening" until we came home from hospital empty handed and broken hearted. The loneliness of the night where it was still and quiet. Where I felt for the first time the silence pounding in my ears and all I could think of is "I should be hearing my baby [...]
Elliott's Stardust 