2018 was an extreme roller coaster of a year. It was a year with magic and joy, so many laughs, so much love and the most beautiful memories made. It was also one with a some of our greatest struggles and difficulties we’ve ever had to face, a year of continued and new heartache and [...]
Tag: letter
Finding the new me
No one told me I’d look in the mirror and not recognise the person staring back. That overnight I‘d become a stranger in my own body, a body I could no longer trust. I felt completely hollow and although I was breathing, i wasn’t sure if I was living. I smiled and laughed for our [...]
7 months on…
7 months... Every month on the same day (the 28th) no matter how good the day or week was, as the night draws in I'm brought back to the fact time is passing. Another milestone to hurdle over when I never trained for jumping such heights. I'm glad to say I'm having more genuinely good [...]
When a simple thing like getting sick becomes a huge trigger
I had bad morning sickness with all three of my pregnancies, but Elliott's was by far the worse. It was hard and I really struggled. We made the decision despite the fact I wanted more babies that he would be the last as I couldn't think I could go through pregnancy again. I struggled with [...]
When the due date is here but condolenses instead of congratulations have been made
Elliott's due date is next week. Soon, if not already, we should be holding our newborn baby in our arms safe and sound, kissing his chubby cheeks like his siblings had. I should be posting a happy announcement and receiving congratulations back. Instead life threw us a major curve ball. Instead it's already been 4 months since [...]
Watching the Calendar Tick Over (written for SANDS)
... "I find I'm in this huge space between his birth and his due date that feels like limbo. A space between the ‘was’ and the ‘might have been’. It’s a space filled with watching the calendar tick over, day after day towards what should have been a joyous time filled with exciting anticipation, waiting [...]
100 days
Last night I sat in bed on my laptop and out of the blue I decided to count how many days it had been since Elliott was born. I counted...100 days... I was gripped with an unbearable sadness, 100 days already has gone by, 100 days in the rest of our lives. I did wonder [...]
Daddy’s farewell- Adam’s letter to Elliott
To my little man, I have never felt pain i couldn't overcome, I have never been so scared that a brave face could not hide, I have never lost anything that could not be replaced. The joy of first meeting you was just as before, Until the pain of silence was too loud to ignore. [...]
The silence is deafening
I never knew the true meaning behind "the silence is deafening" until we came home from hospital empty handed and broken hearted. The loneliness of the night where it was still and quiet. Where I felt for the first time the silence pounding in my ears and all I could think of is "I should be hearing my baby [...]
Elliott’s Beautiful Day- How we celebrated his life
A few weeks after Elliott's birth we decided we wanted to do something to celebrate his life and extend the invitation. People had reached out to us with love and support, some asked to come see us but we were too fragile to face too many people in the first couple of weeks. We thought a little event would [...]
Elliott's Stardust 