Tomorrow marks the day last year that we announced our pregnancy with Elliott. I waited until after our morphology scan because in our minds that ‘safe’ period of 12 weeks had moved forward to the mid term scan due to recent experiences of others we knew. I waited because i was terrified of becoming a [...]
Here it is.. the window display at my business Little Lamb in loving memory and honour of ALL babies and children chasing butterflies in the sky. We remember now and always all little lives gone too soon and send our love, support and thoughts to all families touched by loss of any gestation or age [...]
People kept saying "oh you are so strong" but I felt anything but. I was broken, tired, angry and in pieces screaming out in pain. I felt like my world had fallen apart, was struggling to get out of bed and wasn't sure how it was possible to ever see any light again. Every time [...]
I am (or was) a social person. In fact I've made my career out of talking. I love to dress up and meet with friends. And yet when my best friend bought tickets for us to go see a show I panicked thinking "how am I going to do this?" (especially knowing it was on [...]
For the last 6 months I feel like I've lived in someone else's body, in someone else's life. It's mostly been a great big blur with a whole lot of fog on top. 6 months on I still think about him every day, most of the day. 6 months on the devastating loss still consumes [...]
This video is for you Elliott 💙 this is our love story with you , a love story that started before you were even made but so desperately wanted, a love story that has no ending 💙 I sat with much hesitation over sharing this video-it's raw, it's tragic, it's possibly confronting, but it's also [...]
I am often torn between wanting to feel and be better, and wanting to and being in a state of deep mourning. Sometimes I want to just lay in bed and feel the hurt. Sometimes it feels like staying in that dark place is a way of staying connected to him. I have had thoughts that [...]
I had bad morning sickness with all three of my pregnancies, but Elliott's was by far the worse. It was hard and I really struggled. We made the decision despite the fact I wanted more babies that he would be the last as I couldn't think I could go through pregnancy again. I struggled with [...]
It's my birthday soon... and I'm so very sad with such a heavy heart. Not because I'll be a year older, but because there is something so very huge missing from our lives.. because I can't celebrate with all my children. Last year I was so excited to turn 30. I couldn't wait. It was [...]
This is love This is pain This is LIFE This is loss This is trying and wanting to protect you This is my heart expanding with more love and breaking at the same time. This is the rest of world not existing for that moment feeling you on my skin, marvelling at you and having [...]
Elliott's Stardust 